Good-bye June, Hello Grace

He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.

He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
By His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful foll’wer I would be,
For by His hand He leadeth me.

Today is the last week of June.  Tomorrow we flip the calendar to July, our family’s last month of summer.  We are having a wonderful summer of freedom and friends, trips and treats, camps and critter catching.

It has been a summer of learning but not as much academia for the kids as life lessons for me.  This was not the kind of learning that I had planned.  I am learning (once again-I have had this lesson before) to trust in God’s plan and not my own.  I am learning to trust in His sufficiency and not my abilities.  I am learning to accept His will and His grace when I fail.

What if the greatest preparation that goes into next school year isn’t in ordering lessons and our home, but in ordering my heart?

A few weeks back I ended up visiting the doctor.  This was my third visit this year.  Why am I so tired?  Why can’t I think straight?  Why do I constantly fighting off feelings of anger and apathy? 

This trip finally produced some answers. My body has been working hard fighting off a few viruses.  It was a relief to know I am not loosing my mind, but my body cannot keep up with my demands.  Answers have allowed me to I release myself from my own expectations.  It is ridiculous I know, but now I feel like I have permission not to get everything I intended to do this summer crossed off my list.

I have been using a lot of the resources over at Simplified Organization to help me think through my priorities.  Practices like naming my “vocations”  and “brain dumping” all my frettings onto paper have been helpful.

I am still learning. I am asking God “Why?” not because I do not trust in His sovereignty, but because I seek to understand His will and redirection of my plans.  Why didn’t He want me to do all these good things?  I am also asking, “What if?”  What if the greatest preparation that goes into next school year isn’t in ordering lessons and our home, but in ordering my heart?  This seems to be where God is leading me this summer.

Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.

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